Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
