i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
