I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
