I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
