Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
