I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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