i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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