Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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