you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
