Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize