We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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