Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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