she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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