Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So vagazzling was a success
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
