Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
