Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
