We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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