a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize