Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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