I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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