Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend

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(217): View more from Illinois

I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.

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(540): View more from Virginia

is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.

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(804): View more from Virginia

for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.

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(206): View more from Washington

THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????

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