People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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