I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
