he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
