the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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