I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
