This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
