This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
