You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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