I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
