NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
