I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
