I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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