Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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