I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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