Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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