your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
