Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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