When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
