I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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