hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
