strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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