Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
