I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
