You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
