I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
