He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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