His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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