well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
