I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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