theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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