I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
