Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
