Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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