your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
