How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
