worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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