Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
