So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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