Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
