Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
