Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
