Christians are straight up FREAKS
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
