census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
