Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
